she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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