Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
