Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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