I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
