i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
