I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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