I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
