where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
