My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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