i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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