just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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