I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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