the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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