best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
