when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
