Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
