I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
