idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
