Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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