Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
