Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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