How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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