the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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