It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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