Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The uberlube is also flammable
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
