Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this will be a night to untag.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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