Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
