I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
being pregnant is like rehab
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
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