she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
