When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
