Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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