beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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