I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
