this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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