i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
