I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
