It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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