so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
