He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
