Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize