how can u be prego again
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will pee on everything he values.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize