I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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