I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
