You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
zippers are such a cool invention
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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