There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
