Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want nice things and good sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
