Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
