is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
