I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
