Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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