I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
