I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
