Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
