I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
