My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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