I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
