Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
