I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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