Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why do cheetos always look like penises
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
