So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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