Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
