i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
