Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
