My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize