My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
