Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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