Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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