great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize