And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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