I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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