I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
