I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
