so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
