You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize