At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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