Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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