Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
