yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
