your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
