Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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