OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
