Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
