Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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